"She's my...Vertical Smile!...oh, wait let's change that to Cherry Pie".
Yeah, that's right.
Because of stupid Corporate Overlords not respecting the free speech rights of Warrant, we will never get to hear the genius they originally had in mind when they set music to tape back in 1989. They originally wanted this album to be called "Vertical Smile". Get it?
That is a true story.
Say what you want about them, (and everybody has an opinion on them), those late-80's scrunched-up Aqua-Net bangs had a laser focused misogynist poetry that was DESTROYED forever by the ironic vaseline smeared fish-eye lenses of the 90's Seattle-ish bands that would stand fiddling on a dropped D violin as the House That Poison Built slowly sank into that Pacific Ocean. And that's sad. It's sad to watch an empire crumple.
I wanted this album to be worse than it was. I begrudgingly admit there are some solid Rock And Roll songs on it. Coming from someone that HATES mainstream capital R "Rock and Roll" from 19 whenever-through-2000-yeah-still-sucks,that is a solid head-nod.
Don't get me wrong, "Cherry Pie" is like 1/3 boring-ass power ballads. It was hard to make fun of. I wanted it to be way funnier than it was.
So, screw you, Warrant. Screw you for making me defend you in a cold-fish-hand-shake-that-dude-shakes-hands-in-a-weird-shake-it-off-way.